Dark Side.....

Moon is known for its brightness... but it is all over surrounded by darkness... even its brightness is also not its own... many dark dots are also inside that moon which is worldwide famous for its brightness...

This is DARK SIDE of Moon...

Even though all of as have unique identity in society.. some are known for smile, some are known for good nature, some for care & so on... But somewhere inside us there is a dark side of us which we hide from world.. which we hide from our close ones.. which we hide even from our self.. But its not just a side of us in fact its a part of us without which one is not complete. But you can't show this side to world thinking that what will they think if they come to know about this.. what will they react if they come to know that this is I....

Several thoughts, several dreams, several crimes, several actions which we cant tell anyone... anyone means ANYONE.... come in our dark side..

Others will not able to understand that why we done that, why we think like that, why we feel like that... But that is what we are...

But problem is what to do with our that Dark Side.. Do we show it to the world or keep it inside & hide it from the sunlight of others & make it even darker... What should we actually do? Because our world lies beyond that also.. We have much more capabilities other than that dark side. After all its just a side. But a side which can dominate us at times.. which can make us do things which we never expect.. which can make us indulge in sin.. which can make us darker...

Its a war which everyone fight inside with every sunrise & keep on increasing till one keep himself out of this world.. the world which is of dreams.. But these same dreams make dark side even more darker.. ha...

Unsolved mystery which one live everyday known as life is surrounded by our dark side.. We have to live.. we have to fight.. we have to win... We can't run from our dark side... It is deep inside us...

the lost feeling...

"Sometimes when u see someone from afar.. u develop a fantasy.....; Then when u see them up close.. nine times out of ten, u wish u hadn't........."

These lines are from the movie Wicker Park which are very true. From far, things look very fantastic & superb but when you come close you starts to feel that its not what you thought.. its not what you want.. its not what you felt about....

The actual problem comes when you start to loose the feel which you had once... which you thought that will remain till the end... which made you to take steps towards it...

Is this mean that your feel was temporary or this mean that you are confused about your feelings.... But certainly the answer for both is NO.. In real this is maturity of feelings.

Feelings are like a baby which act differently as it grow.. A 5 or 6 years old baby is not same as when it was of 1 month.. So how do the feelings....

The need is to take mature decisions not kiddish type decisions...

NOW m 21......

Now 21 yrs into life... but life is starting NOW..

may be I'm nothing.. but i know what i want to be...

may be i achieved nothing important in all my 21 yrs of life, but i know where I'm going & where i wan to b..

may be i lived every moment of life. but now i will give value to ma every moment..

may be winning was not everything to me till now... but now winning will be the only thing to me....

may be journey is long but m starting it with a small step..

may be m a dreamer.. but i don't know how...

now 21 yrs into life.. but life is starting NOW...

If you wait for the right time.....

"NO... I'm not gonna talk to her any more....." He said this in cracking voice with deep thought. But I knew he never want this.

We were at the edge of the bridge. The river was flowing faster than normal because of cold breeze flowing since last two days with continuous rain showers.This made the environment cold & sitting on the edge of bridge just upon the river was giving a wonderful feeling. Beautiful scene of the city can be seen from here. We were meeting after a week. We often meet to discuss life. We both love to talk with each other. He is 3 year elder than me but in friendship age is no bar.

"But I think you should talk to her" I suggested.

"But if I talk to her this will distract me"

"So ACT.......... Yes than act that you are cool talking to her & she is not distracting you in anyway. Just show her that she is not anymore take importance in your life. I know this is difficult in fact this is like impossible... But you have to do this... yes you have to......" I was continuously speaking & he was just thinking & kept on thinking...

This is the problem why people think so much. Just do what you want to do & just say what you want to say. Thinking so much only increase problems & tensions. This 'thinking' is what due to which he is in problem. If he never thought so much to say that he loves her than he wasn't in this situation. But he kept on thinking to say this, waiting for the right time. He was sure that she loves him too. Even I & other people also were sure. (I coincidental met her on his first date with her. Poor he.. ha ha) Yes I had seen LOVE in her eyes for him. But he never said a word although they both knew.

After about two years when he finally said that he loves her, he found that she was committed with another guy..................

Yes this is the story of life. If you wait for the right time when everything will be perfect then you should never begin.......

Some words remain UNSAID.....

Speaking too much doesn't mean that you say everything you want.... speaking too much doesn't mean you say everything you FEEL.... speaking too much doesn't mean you say whatever you trying to say.......

Again is the time to say "I will miss you".... Again is the time to say "I will remember you"..... Again is the time to say GOODBYE.... But again is the time to keep inside the unsaid words which I wanted to tell.. which I wanted to share.. which I wanted to let her know....

She hugged me & said "I AM SORRY". I was not at all in my senses after listening to that. I was unable to move from my place. She moved backward slowly & slowly with all the moment we shared.. with all the laughter we shared.. with all the words we shared.... I wanted to say "Please dont go. I want you. I need you." But after her 'sorry' I was unable to say anything. What more I can say.. I just smiled & said nothing but a million of things were there to say.. I know she understands me very well & she also has many things to say.. but none of us now talk on that matter..

But as the time is coming closer to say goodbye the more I am feeling reatless..But I know what its going to happen... In the last THOSE WORDS WILL REMAIN UNSAID forever & ever & will lost in the darkness of time... ha.....

Love.....

A silent road.....

The road was silent... A group of men were watching cricket match on TV at roadside quietly.. ('quietly' because India was loosing).. some street dogs were fighting.. shops were closed except a chaii shop were 3 men were chatting on political conditions.....
Time at which everyone was preparing to sleep.. here was I walking on the street.. alone... confused... occupied by million thoughts........
Its not everyday I feel like this... but today something was different.. something was shattered.. something was lost...

The sky was occupied by clouds.. air was blowing giving people some satisfaction in this warm & humid weather..

But something was more warmer than weather.. something was blowing more faster than air.. my mind.. yes my mind was occupied by million of thoughts.. million of questions.. & millions of confusions.

India lost 1 more wicket making the score 82/8... people watching the match now not much interested in match because according to them there was no more hope in this match...

HOPE.... hope is the thing because of which i was thinking like that.. I was confused like that... There are too many hopes in my life... from myself..... & others also have many hopes from me... I have to fulfill their hopes.. I have responsibilities which I have to complete...

But walking on the road.. thinking about life at that time worked as an eye-opener.. I may have many things in my life but Am I up to mark.. Am I there where I should have....

Life is never easy & it will never be.. but I always have taken it positively & walked in life always with a new enthusiasm.. with a new zeal with a new feel... But that straight road was telling me that my life is not that straight..at least now it is not that straight after last fortnight's happenings.. Allot happened in last 2 weeks in my life.. either it is my career.. my personal life.. my goals.. my plans.. everything is now altered or some altered...

After loosing so much wickets Team India then achieved quite good score & recovered from a bad start.. Indian team finally managed a respectable score of 188.. But what is gonna happen with my life... I am desperate to know that.. I had a very good start & things were straight until 2 weeks ago.. but things got messed up now.. My goals.. my friendship.. my relations.. my plans.. my life..

I am a optimist & I know everything gonna be right & everything will be straight... But I have to wait & continuously walk until I should get what I want....

Life show love where it is least expected.. Life show way where it is least expected.. & Life show answers where it is least expected...

I kept on thinking whole night about my life.. what I thought & what its going to be.. I am still walking.. still walking on the way of life with life.. with a new energy.. new hopes.. new feel..

India lost that match but... but I won that fight.. fight of my mind...

You have to win mind fights if you want to achieve what you want...

I am thankful to that road that it forced me to think & this thought resulted in positive.. I am not at that road this time but road is still there & will always be.....

Impact of technology......

Unexpected FEEL.....

We plan, we do work according to that, we hope for it..... but the result comes UNEXPECTED...


We get annoyed, frustrated, & do things which are UNEXPECTED...


Life is going smooth but an unexpected thing happens which changes life & give new hopes, new wings & promises for a particular sun.. but when sun rises... its UNEXPECTED..


Life actually is unexpected...


But every time this Unexpected thing is not bad... Many times this Unexpected thing is good & comes in a way that we never expected... This unexpected thing force us to think from beginning.. to plan from beginning.. to start from beginning.

We should take this positively. This unexpected thing refreshes us.. this give us chance to get better.. to plan better.. to do better.. to feel better..

Every day is new day with new hopes.. new life.. new dreams.. new feel..

The problem comes when this FEEL becomes unexpected.. means when we feel 'unexpectedly' with a person with whom we never thought of that feeling... But If it comes, its true... A FEEL IS ALWAYS TRUE.. so you should not stop this unexpected feel.. you should not make walls to stop this feel.. but make new roads to live this feel, this feel will take you to new horizons.. this feel will take you to new world.. a world of dreams.. a world of love.. a world of feel..................

A real FEEL.....

So finally we were adjusting to sleep after such a drama & lots of lies.....


She was on my left side on bed. I generally like people to be on my left. She knew it very well that's why she was there before I say anything. No one on this earth know me better then her. She is my real sweetheart, my real friend, my real 'more than a friend'.....


By 'more than a friend' i don't mean that which generally people think. It mean that our friendship is not only a friendship, its a FEEL which only we two can understand... only we two can feel....


She was in her light blue coloured T-shirt & white coloured lower on which lots of green coloured tortoises were printed. I used to tease her for that lower, specially for those tortoises, as I say tortoise is a slow moving reptile.. (??????lol!!!!)

We were together after a long time. So we wanted to be with each other as more as possible because i had my train next morning at 7. We had lots & lots of talks to share.. to tell.. to ask.. to listen.. to take advise.. to give advise.. We can talk 24x7 but still we will left with lots of talks.

So she decided to stay night with me at my house so that we can spend a quality time with each other because it will not be possible to meet again for a long time because she had its college of MBA & I was going out of country to earn money.But problem was that what will she tell at her home that why she was not coming to home. It was not a big problem if anyone of my family member was in the house as our family terms are good. But my family was not in the city & only I was alone in the house & her family knew this. So after so much of discussion & fight (we often fight) we decided to tell lie to her family (specially her mom). We both actually don't like to lie to our families. But some times we have to, like in this case where there isn't any kind of wrong intention in our minds but it delivers a wrong message to anyone if a girl say that she wants to stay night with her friend. Our intention was not wrong so we agreed to lie. I lie only where i am not wrong. She told her mom that she will stay at her Friend's house(who was female) as luckily she also was in the country after a long time. And than she called her that Friend & told her that if her mom calls, tell her blah blah..(another lie!!)

So finally after talking.. fighting.. advising.. dancing(!!!).. laughing.. crying.. for more than 10 hours, we decided to sleep because clock showed time as 3 am & i have to board train in morning, and according to her I need a small sleep.

The night bulb was dim..(ohh!! night bulb mean to be dim).. I was able to see her face in that dim light. How beautiful she is.. how cute she is.. how good our bond is.. I always thanks to god for making me her friend. I m actually lucky to be her friend. She turned to her right & opened her eyes. I was still seeing her.. her big black eyes.. glowing in dim light.. glowing with happiness to meet me.. glowing with dreams & hopes of future..

We both were eye to eye with each other.. I closed my eyes to catch her face for the future.. to save her face in my eyes..

Suddenly a sound outside my house made me open my eyes.

I opened my eyes & say fan on the top making rounds slowly.. making sound of typical fan.. I felt torrid. My pillow was wet with sweat.

I wanted to see her. Is she also sweating? I turned to my left to see her. But she was not there. I turned around to my right but she was not there also. Oh!! what was that. Clock showed 7 am. I closed my eyes again. I shifted my head to right on pillow to avoid wet part....

There was no one outside who made noise. As I turned around to go on my bed I found that she had shifted to right side where i was sleeping. When I gazed her she given me her full smile. I said nothing & lied down on other side of bed where she was sleeping. As I settled my head on pillow I was in sensation of a smell.. a perfume smell which she always use.

I turned towards her.. to see her.. to feel her.. She was there.. Staring me..

I said "what?"

"Nothing" she replied softly.

"So why you are staring me like this."

"Thanks"

"For?"

"Everything. For everything" She replied in the lowest voice as possible. Her eyes started to glow more & more. A tear drop rolled out of her eyes. My heart skipped a beat. Why is she crying. Have I done anything wrong.

She shifted her head on pillow.

I asked "What happened"

"This pillow is wet. Were you crying?"

"Yes"

"Why dear? What made you cry?" she asked

"You"

"I?"

"Yes you. Why God sent you to me? Why God made me your friend? I am so lucky to have you in my life."

Another couple of tears dropped. She said in broken voice "Will you be with me always?"

"Can one left his breaths? Can one left himself?.. NO Na... so don't worry I am always with you." I said with a smile.

She smiled too. I taken her left hand in my hands & rubbed it. I actually love to hold hands. She smiled with tears in her eyes.

I was now unable to see clearly because my eyes are now filled with tears. I closed my eyes.

She taken my hands close to her mouth. She kissed on my left hand. She kissed again & again. And then suddenly she bit on my wrist by her teeth. I shouted with pain. I sat down fast & tried to open my eyes...

My eyes opened slowly. I felt that there was too much light in my room. So it was difficult to open eyes. But I tried hard & opened it. The sun light filled in my room telling the whole story. Its morning now. Clock showed 9 am. Do I had any work at this time. NO. Not really.

My head was heavy. Suddenly I remembered about HER. Ohh!! where is she.??

Was it a dream?? But how is it possible that it was a dream. I felt her presence around. I wanted to see her desperately. I was on edge to weep.

I taken my mobile from below of my pillow.

I wrote Good morning Dear.

I sent it to her.

Now I realised that it actually was a dream. A beautiful dream.. a dream which had a real feeling.. a real love.. a real life..

Now i realised that she really is my best buddy. She is not only a Friend to me she is actually much more than a friend.. much much more than a friend... I promise to myself that I will be with her always...

I realised a pain in my wrist..

There was a big red SCAR ON MY WRIST..!!!!!!!!!

FEEL...

Every hour, every minute, every second our mind change.. our emotions change.. our decisions change.. our likeness change.. our feelings change.....

Change is a very important process which keeps one going.. which keeps one energetic.. which keeps one refreshing.. which keeps one progressive..

So this change is good but it should be in good way or i can say that change should be in progressive way, so that one can acheive what he wants.. what he hopes.. what he deserves..

One thing which keeps a man engaged in any thing is FEEL....

Until unless one is not getting the feel he will not be able to stick.. not able to give his fullest.. not able to get going...

This is feel is very important in every thing.. either it is work, career, goals, dreams or relationship.. until you havnt a feel in it you will not be able to get success in that thing...

LIFE is also all about feel...

Dont only live the life.... FEEL the life....